I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
