your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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