I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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