did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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