she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You ruined the universe
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
