your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
