If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
