Tell her she can't have a vagina
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
