doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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