So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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