Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize