i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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