I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
