Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize
