this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
