elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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