Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
