FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
