Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
