I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
