dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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