cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
