Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
