"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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