Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
