I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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