I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
