You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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