I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Sacagawea was the original milf.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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