a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
