Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
