Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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