it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
