Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize