i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
