Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
