my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I don't think brook has ever known best
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
