You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
