my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
