i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
