I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
