I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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