I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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