Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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