I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
