what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
