just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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