did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
