I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
