omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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