go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
