jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
