Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
the raccoons are back...
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