I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
