It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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