im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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