i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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