I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
