just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
