nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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