i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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