**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
