There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
