It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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