Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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