so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
