i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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