Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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