just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
