I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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